Let’s face it. Being a stepmom is HARD. I mean REALLY hard. Whether you have the best stepchildren (or non-bio/NB as I like to call them) or the worst, step-parenting is never easy. But it is possible to find joy being a stepmom!
You find a man that you love and you choose to say “I do!” Maybe you see the addition of him already having children as an added bonus, and maybe you approach that aspect with a little bit of trepidation. Regardless, you’ve officially signed up for a life full of non-traditional parenting and marriage moments.
Not having the 2.5 kid, white picket fence life may not be what you always dreamed of having. However, a blended family is far from a small detour of that dream.
I love my three non-bio girls. I don’t feel like I love them any differently than my bio baby. But that doesn’t change the fact that being their mimmy AND their primary parent would completely suck the life out of me IF I let it.
When your husband (even in all of his potentially supportive behavior), family, and friends don’t understand your struggles and stresses, it is hard to feel supported. Lack of support is the beginning of feeling wrung out, worn out, and helpless.
The old Star Wars quote, “Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering” can be applied to so many things in life, and this is easily one of them.
Don’t let the fear or stress of your stepmom life lead to anger and hate. Because that will inevitably lead to suffering. That may seem like a dramatic way of thinking, but it can be all too close to the truth for some.
That is why it is so important set your self up to find your joy as a stepmom. Action is always better than reaction. Forming a plan to lower your stress, and potentially save your relationship with your non-bio children as a result, is a great way to set yourself up for success.
The song Old Church Choir by Zack Williams comes to mind with it’s lyrics “There ain’t nothin gonna steal my joy.”
You have to find ways to keep yourself from losing yourself in your life as a step-parent. Because no one should be able to steal your joy!
Now, I know, easier said than done. Don’t worry, I’ve been there.
That’s why I decided to write this post. To provide some tips to help you find your way to saving your sanity and taking back your joy.
4 ways to find joy in being a stepmom
- Join a mom’s group! Or whatever kind of group you feel like joining to get connection and solidarity. I highly recommend joining a stepmom group though. This took me way too long to do.
I have a very supportive family, but next to zero friends outside of that. I never knew how much I missed having people that understood what I was going through until I joined a mom’s group.
The best part about being part of a group is that you find yourself being able to encourage others just as much as they encourage you.
I thought I had nothing to contribute since I was so new to being a mother, but my story was able to speak to and lift up other people in a way I never dreamed of.
When you know that you’re able to help other people, it empowers you and helps you find joy. - Find a hobby. What did you use to do that helped you get out of your head and enjoy life? Reading? Drawing? DIYing? Sewing? Gardening? Running? Going for a drive? Whatever that thing may be, find it and do it.
Schedule time once a week and fill up your bucket by taking a breather doing something small that makes you happy. - Take time to get away with your spouse. Spending time as a couple is important in any marriage. It’s hard once children become part of the picture because they require attention, love, and affection. But it’s crucial to make sure that your marriage remains the top priority in the mix.
If you and your spouse allow too much distance to accumulate between you, it will quickly affect the atmosphere of the household.
Your children will know if you aren’t happy, and if you’re not happy, they won’t be happy.
So taking time for your partner isn’t a SELFISH thing! It’s one of the BEST things you could do. Take the time to find your joy in the man you fell in love with. Go on dates, take trips, or just watch a movie together.
Connecting with your spouse will help you be a happier and more gracious stepmom because your love bucket is FULL. - Prioritize self-care. I struggle with this one to this day. By nature, I am a dramatic martyr (the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem so I always feel like I shouldn’t take time for myself
Similar to taking time for your marriage, taking time to recharge your own mental and physical wellbeing helps you be the best and happiest you can be.
If your bucket is empty, you will find yourself becoming short-tempered, stressed, anxious, and depressed.
The analogy of the airplane oxygen mask works well here. You have to put your own mask on first before you can go about helping others with theirs.
You won’t be useful to anyone if you have nothing left to give.
This is the part where I HIGHLY recommend making a quiet/devotional time part of your daily routine. If you’re not sure where you are about the whole religion aspect, simply insert reading/meditation/goal setting/etc. here.
Quiet time helps you center yourself and arm yourself with peace for the day.
Don’t let the stress of stepparenting cause you to lose you sense of identity. You deserve happiness and joy!
Is there anything that has helped you to find joy and balance in your stepmom roll?
If so, comment below! I would love to hear from you.
As always, thank you for all you do! Stay strong and keep up the good work.